2022:

​

The best day of the year is in the past, but plenty to look forward to. We have plenty of league members looking for their first ship. Some people looking to add to their trophy case. And then there are some people who just want to make the playoffs because it has been awhile (sadly, I fall in this camp). It is week 1 and we are all 0-0. A fresh start, a new beginning, what could go wrong? Well, according to my rankings, if you find your name at the bottom of the list, clearly a lot went wrong in the draft (according to me, who clearly knows fantasy football really well after last year’s performance). Kick back and enjoy my super non-bias rankings.

 

1. The Brucaders - Bruce comes in at the number 1 spot. This man is who I would have picked first overall in the division draft. Bruce is not a man feared by many, but after this draft, that might change. He grabbed a top RB in Dalvin and also managed to get a great WR core (including Mark Andrews). He has very little depth, but that can be easily fixed by some nice waiver wire pickups. Do I have faith that he will be able to make those expert pickups? Absolutely not. But hey, I am judging the team from draft day and it looks pretty damn good to me. Carry on Bruce, keep cleaning those teeth.

Best Value: Deebo $126, Hollywood Brown $55

Worst Value: Mark Andrews $129

 

2. A Team Has No Name - Even after the worst season finale ever, Bobo still carries on the team name. Gotta respect it, and he keeps carrying on with good draft after good draft. I was hoping that this year he might have a little less time to focus on fantasy football because of a special someone, but clearly that has not stopped him. This is a man who has put in countless hours reading fantasy football articles, neglecting his work, reading fantasy football tweets, letting his tenant’s apartment fall apart (Avery is furious) and of course sneaking mock drafts on date night. Well done Bobo. Also, I know Bobo likes me to talk about his actual players, so I will be quick. The Josh Allen and Diggs combo is scary paired with Taylor. The reason this team is not first is because I worry about his Dolphins (Edmonds and Waddle) and because I fucking hate Justin Fields. No team with Justin Fields will ever make it at the top of my power rankings. Remember this Bobo and adapt accordingly.

Best Value: Amon Ra $40, Jaylen Waddle $60

Worst Value: Justin Fields $100

 

3. Fruity Gorillas - What can I say? I like my team, I draft it for Christ sake. Also, in case you were wondering the meaning of my fantasy football name, here is the story. Team Chuckwagon has been failing and new ownership needed to take over. My first ever fantasy football team I ever made back in 2007 was named the Fruity Gorillas and they tore it up with Tom Brady and his 50 TDs. Guess what, Tom Brady is back on the Fruity Gorillas and he told us that he is happy to be back and plans on throwing 50 TDs again. That is right, be afraid, the Fruity Gorillas are hungry and they demand touchdowns and bananas, in that order.

Best Value: Russ $114, Jeudy $61

Worst Value: Tom Brady $132

 

 

4. Shadillac - Most people will look at this team and question why it is so high in my rankings. I believe in this team and I believe in Evan. I like the QB duo of Kyler and Lance and Evan actually spent money on a RB early. This team is very different from the usual Shadillac team and that is okay. I could make fun of Evan for drafting DK for $80 when he has Geno throwing him the ball, but I’m not going to do that. That wouldn’t be fair. Also, I could mention that Zeke might lose half of his carries to Tony Pollard, but I won’t mention that. This team has holes in it, but holes build character, and I don’t know where I was going with that, but yeah, Evan drafted a team and I put it at 4 in the rankings and here we are. Cry about it.

Best Value: Kyler $142, Allen Robinson $67

Worst Value: DK $80

 

5. Here GOS Nothin - I really should move George to 12th after doing part of the draft from a golf course…a new low for George. But hey, I don’t hate this team, sadly. George didn;t get any great deals, but he overspent on the right guys. Well, as long as CMC can stay healthy, which is a big if. And of course, George got his boy Arron Rodgers, a must. But come on, he drafted from a golf course. Couldn’t take one day off from the links. Bad karma and could end up in last place. We will see. If there was a fantasy god, George would take last this year. SHIVA!!!!!

Best Value: Aaron Rodgers $94, Zach Ertz $5

Worst Value: AJ Dillon $100

 

6. LEGO - Chris rounds out my list of playoff teams. George narrowly beats him out in these rankings, just like how he barely beat him out for CMC. Chris has his classic top 2 QB combo, but the rest of his team is pretty thin. I believe Chris will be able to make the necessary pickups on the waiver wire. I don’t like Gibson or Juju at all. Chris is going for the repeat championship and he has a chance, but it is not easy to repeat in this league. All I know is that if CMC stays healthy all year, Chris will have nightmares about that bidding war with George (he probably already is).

Best Value: Brandin Cooks $62, Rhamondre $37

Worst Value: Juju $70

 

7. Lebron - Johnny slots in at 7. Man, Yahoo hates this team and I am here to defend it. I like pretty much every start on his team other than Trevor Lawrence, who is a terrible fantasy football player. I think Johnny overspent a little bit on some guys like JJ and Kamara, but if you are going to overspend, those are two guys to overspend on. I am excited for the matchup between Bobo and Johnny this year. The Four Loko matchup. Whoever places worse in the standings should have to shotgun a Four Loko. I got my money on Bobo to win, but don’t count Johnny out.

Best Value: Mooney $42, Pittman $120

Worst Value: Trevor Lawrence $61

 

8. IM A STEGOSAURUS 2.0 - NickyT comes in at 8. I don’t know where I ranked him last year, but he took first in the regular season and made the ship, so I was probably low on him and I might be low on him here. Nick went the route of getting a lot of mid to high end players but no studs and we will see how it pans out. All I know is the league is a better place when Nick is competitive and I am rooting for this team.

Best Value: AJ Brown $90, Elijah Moore $43

Worst Value: Saquon $241

 

9. Dugg’s Thugs - Themio got one of the best steals of the draft in Kupp, and I think the team looks good, but I gotta rank someone here and he got some guys who have burned me in the past. Taking a tight end for over 170 is scary when the number 3 tight end is going for under $70. But hey, it is Kelce and could work out great. I just prefer to spend my money elsewhere (I ranked Bruce at 1, maybe I like Andrews a lot). If Themio’s RBs perform, this team will be scary good, I just don’t think that will happen.

Best Value: Kupp $221, Fournette $185

Worst Value: Penny $66

 

10. Michael Penix Truther - Luke got his boy in Jalen Hurts and if he ends up QB1, I am way too low on Luke. The main reason for the low ranking is having Mariota at QB2 and getting two RBs who don’t really catch the ball. I don’t have much else to say about this team. Could definitely make the playoffs and he has great fantasy karma by drafting on his anniversary. Might not be great karma for other things, but you know, priorities.

Best Value: Hurts $160, Jacobs $62

Worst Value: Dobbins $66

 

 

11. JEFFTOPASHERBOTTOM - Peter got some of the best deals of the whole draft but he spent a little too much on studs and ended up with a QB room led by Winston. Honestly, looks a lot like my team last year which was led by Trevor Lawrence and we all know how that worked out. Can this team make the playoffs? Absolutely! Do I think it will? No, but hey, I gotta make my rankings, and 6 teams have to miss the playoffs.

Best Value: Pitts $68, Chase $212

Worst Value: Winston $61

 

12. Biggie Smallz - Someone has gotta be last and that honor goes to the division winner of my division last year and the captain of my division this year. Am I bitter that he drafted me? No, maybe, who cares. Also, I promise that I locked in the rankings and my best and worst values before any game started, but man oh man did I not expect Cam Akers to be that uninvolved. I thought $71 was too much but $50 would have been reasonable for him. But other than that, the main reason I have Smallz ranked last is because he doesn’t have dominance at any position group (imo). I hope he finishes last and loses both matchups against me. I think I ranked him 12th last year too and that didn’t work out. Let’s try this again!

Best Value: Diontae $77, Conner $142

Worst Value: Akers $71

 

If you think you can make better rankings than me, let me know and I will let you make them.

​

2021:

​

Five strenuous hours later and the draft is finally over. It is currently midnight and I just couldn’t wait until the morning to write these. They say nothing good comes after 2 am, so it’s a good thing that it's 2 hours away and according to George it is currently 7 am in Philly. Before I get into the power rankings, I just want to say that as exciting as it is to have a team, it is bittersweet when the best day of the year comes to an end. Thank you Draft Day, and I am already counting the days to the next one.

 

Tier 1: Cactus - Great food, very classy

 

1. Lebron - I know this is going to shock everyone, but I really like Johnny’s team. Does this ranking have something to do with Johnny drafting Baker? Maybe, but who cares. Baker is going to throw for 5000 yards and take second in the MVP behind Johnny’s tight end, Gerald Everett. I hope the future Mrs. Khalfayan doesn’t mind you having only one nut. 

Best Value: Diggs 197, Baker 60, Everett 2

Worst Value: Chase 57 (he looks slow apparently), Henderson 117

Prediction: Johnny makes the finals and loses in heartbreaking fashion on Monday Night Football when his opponent needs 40 points from Vernon Davis and he converts it with a stat line of 20 recs for 190 yds and 2 tds in his return to football after a 2 year hiatus

 

2. LEGO - I feel like I am having deja vu by looking at Chris’s team. But hey, don’t fix what isn’t broken. I’m a little surprised Chris went with the CMC route again - it feels like an abusive relationship where Chris just can’t help himself to go back. Luckily Chris is a Mariners fan and is used to heartbreak.

Best Value: Swift 100, Diontae 72, Dak 133

Worst Value: Woods 97, Forgetting to draft Mark Andrews (shame)

Prediction: Sam Darnold ends up sucking so bad that the Panthers decide to implement CMC as a Taysom Hill type QB situation. CMC ends up throwing for 2000 yards and 15 touchdowns but ends up handing the ball off to Chubbard 25 times a game. Chris then spirals into a deep fantasy football depression because Evan has yet again stolen his handcuff for CMC who has decided to conserve his health by limiting his rushes.

 

3. JeffTopAsherBottom - I think Peter got the best pick of the draft in getting Saquon for 226. He could be slightly banged up, but after seeing guys like Mixon go for 247, I think the upside is more than worth the price. 

Best Value: Saquon 226, A Rob 117

Worst Value: M Davis 69, Hurts 71 

Prediction: Week 3, Hurts has been looking like a solid starter but he gets hit hard and is ruled out for the rest of the game. Flacco comes into the game and refuses to throw nothing but pure darts. He completes 20 of 21 passes (Reagor drops a dime, thwarting the perfect game) for 279 yds and 3 scores. Hurts gets healthy, but Flacco refuses to give back the starting job as he plays like a man possessed with gifts no person has ever seen before. Peter swears to himself to never question who the true GOAT is ever again and decides to name his first born, Joe Flacco Williams.

 

4. The Brucaders - Bruce, first of all, I am thrilled that you finally listened to the pod. Secondly, you drafted a pretty good team. I was little mad at you bidding me up on Chark, so I just had to put him in your bad value. Also, you better hope Kittle can finally stay healthy because he could make or break your team.

Best Value: Herbert 118, Kupp 86

Worst Value: Chark 30, Jones 260

Prediction: Bruce goes on a field trip to Pittsburgh to volunteer at a dentist office. During lunch, Bruce decides to head to the Steelers practice facility where he sees Juju filming tik toks rather than practicing. Upset by this, Bruce starts yelling profanities at Juju. Juju does not like this and confronts Bruce telling him that he does not want to be on his fantasy team. Bruce adamantly claims that Juju needs to perform and that he will not trade him. Out of spite, Juju begins to kneel on the 1-yard line in order to avoid getting Bruce any touchdowns. Bruce then starts to receive hate mail from fantasy football players across the country because Juju leaked his address on his social media. 

 

Tier 2: Chipotle - Pretty solid, you know what you are getting

 

5. A Team Has No Name - I must say, Jimmy G really completes Bobo’s team. All in all, this team looks like a classic Bobo team plus Evan’s favorite receivers. Amari and Ridley were great values and I like the Josh Allen pick. The bad thing is that Bobo picked the third string rb for the Browns.

Best Value: Ridley 200, Cooper 80

Worst Value: Hunt 36

Prediction: Picture the scene, it is week 4 and the vikings and browns are playing against each other. Hunt is finally brought into the game after Chubb has already rushed for 200 yds and 3 tds. First rush, Hunt gets tackled for a loss. Second rush, he fumbles. Frustration begins to set in. On the next drive, Hunt breaks onto the outside and is shoved out of bounds towards the Vikings bench. Chaos ensues, and in the midst of it, Hunt lands an uppercut kick on Dalvin Cook, ending his season and any hope at a championship for Bobo. 

 

6. IM A STEGOSAURUS 2.0 - I must say, Nick is my dark horse for this year. I really like a lot of his players. I believe in Najee, Gibson and Williams in terms of talent and the opportunity is there for all. I’m also a believer in Claypool because Juju stinks. Speaking of stinking, Odell Beckham found his way on Nick’s team. 

Best Value: Claypool 65, Fitzmagic 43, Tannehill 97

Worst Value: Odell 38

Prediction: Fitzpatrick starts the year hot, real hot, and has the Football team at the top of the division. Nick is feeling good, his team his winning, he’s finding that his social life is prospering from it as well. The 24 jerks in one day feels even more possible thanks to Fitzmagic. Scandal then surfaces at the midst of Fitz’s success. Apparently, 20 years ago Fitz was running an underground poker ring at Harvard that also doubled as an exotic animal smuggling ring. This ring gets linked to the Covid-19 outbreak and Fitz is ridiculed and his performance dips. Nick attempts the 6/12/18/24 challenge and finishes the day with 32 beers, 18 doughnuts, 2 miles and 1 very sad jerk off. 

 

7. Shaddilac - In untraditional Evan fashion, he gets a loaded qb core and goes big on rbs. In traditional Evan fashion, he waits until the 27th pick to finally spend some money. I like the value of Julio for 60, especially since I got Aiyuk for more than that (sad face). The Mixon pay was such a gross overpay but who knows, maybe he will play like a top 5 rb. Also, in the words of Evan, Sanders is the third rb on that team, and I am inclined to believe him. Also, I think the Drake and Jacobs combo might give Evan nightmares.

Best Value: Julio 60, Lamar 146

Worst Value: Sanders 80, Mixon 247

Prediction: 5 weeks into the season and Evan is frustrated. Drake starts the year off hot while sitting on Evan’s bench. Even finally makes the switch to Drake and then all of a sudden, Jacobs starts getting all the touches. Flustered by this, Evan then begins to start both and of course, Derek Carr breaks out his inner Cam Newton and starts rushing in touchdowns, frustrating Evan even more. Being desperate, Evan flies down to Vegas and tests his luck on the black jack table. Things aren’t going well, Evan is now 500 in the hole, and the waitress is now cutting him off from having any more drinks. The casino is now asking Evan to leave and in that moment, out of the corner of his eye, Evan spots Jon Gruden walking into the casino. Evan goes into fighter flight and charges Gruden. After the incident, Gruden uses the casino footage of him decking Evan as a teaching tool to his defensive backs on how to properly take down a running back. Evan develops a limp from the incident and is also not allowed to go into the state of Nevada for 20 years.

 

8. Dugg’s Thugs - The champ is back and don’t let this ranking fool you. I like Themio’s team, I think it is well built, I just like ranking Themio at 8. Feels like a nice tradition. Also, I respect that after winning the championship, Themio decided to mix his team up completely by drafting a new set of guys. Justin Jefferson and Dobbins are favorites of mine. I think Ekeler was on overspend but he’s definitely going to produce.

Best Value: JJ 182, Kyler 152

Worst Value: Ekeler 235, David Johnson 19 (A steal 3 yrs ago)

Prediction: themio starts feeling a deep regret that he didn’t draft Diggs after donating to his charity. Themio trades a haul of Danny Dimes, Golloday and JJ to get his guy back from Johnny. Diggs ends up under performing and Themio reacts by trying to cancel his donation out of spite. A lawsuit ensues and luckily the judge plays fantasy football and rules in favor of Themio. Themio is now rich, but unfortunately that is no help to his fantasy team, as they under perform greatly after the trade and lawsuit. To make matters worse, moments after the ruling, Digg’s looked over at Themio and called him a dead man. Themio develops severe anxiety of being attacked by Stefon Diggs and invests all of his new found money on a state of the art bomb shelter located in an undisclosed location. 

 

Tier 4: Taco Bell - A little risky but could end up being amazing

 

9. Chuckwagon - Yep, I am ranking myself here because my team is a little risky with the whole qb situation. I took George’s guy in Kelce and I am hoping for a 2020 repeat in stats. I was very happy with my value on Lawrence and Chubb and I am a little concerned about my wr core and qb trio. Also, I was really thinking Watson would go for 50 and I just typed in 25 and got stuck with the POS. Would anyone like him?

Best Value: Trevor 52, Chubb 236

Worst Value: Watson 25

Prediction: I win the league behind Derrick Henry’s record setting 400 carries for 2300 yards and 25 tds. The success gives me the confidence to quit my job and finally take Year of the Kicker LLC to the next level. The company becomes a huge hit and now Matthew Berry invites me to his beach house in Hawaii each fall. 

 

10. The Dolphins Make Me Cry - I think Luke learned a lesson that sometimes you just gotta overspend on a rb. Luke got a lot of good values, but it is tough to see a team with no true rb on it. I like all the value that Luke managed to get and the no rb could work out, so we will see.

Best Value: Hopkins 188, Waller 113

Worst Value: Gaskin 53 (oooh, that stings), Wentz 35

Prediction: Jake Browning finds himself in the starting role in Indy but Luke tragically gets outbidded on the FAAB by Bruce. Bruce plays hard to get and waits for Luke to offer the motherload of all offers. Luke sends away his star players and Browning scores 26 fantasy points total after the trade as he loses the starting job shortly after the trade. Luke sets the record for the lowest point total in season with a lineup consisting of Gaskin, Browning, John Ross and of course, Keith Price at QB2. The story gets out and Luke is offered a job as a scout for UW football. Proliance and UW get in a bidding war and then finally agree on having Luke split duties as a football scout and tech recruiter. Luke is still in search of a 320 pound lineman who also is proficient in Java script. 

 

11. Here GOS Nothin - I really don’t dislike this team, or any team for that matter, but hey, someone needs to be ranked towards the bottom. I just worry about the lack of depth and George’s lack of interest in the waiver wire. I still remember the $63 spend on Benny Snell last year on the FAAB. I love scary Terry and I know George regrets the Tyreek pick after seeing how the rest of the wrs went. Zeke will be a great piece to build around.

Best Value: Terry 130, Etienne 65, Leveon 1 (Yes!)

Worst Value: Tyreek 241, Pitts 70

Prediction: George starts doing well in the real estate game, very well. The success preoccupies his team and he neglects his fantasy football team. George starts betting his new found money on any sporting event he can find. The bets do not go well but that doesn’t deter George. He keeps betting and then finally, he hits rock bottom after losing his last thousand on a 3-way Little League World Series parlay. George vows to never be this way again and gets a job as an agent at Enterprise Rent-a-Car where he was just named employee of the month. He spends his weekends now playing Shuffle Board for a quarter a game at the local retirement home.

 

12. Biggie Smallz - Someone has to be at the bottom and I hope I am right. I think Taylor is all hype and Tua is a huge risk. Stafford and Tee Higgins were great values and I like Jeudy, DK and Montgomery. Clearly this team can make the playoffs and compete, but I hope they don’t.

Best Value: Stafford 81, Higgins 39

Worst Value: Taylor 257, Tua 66

Prediction: Charlie begins to start selling his own hot sauce and the success grows quickly. He gets a big break on the show hot one’s where well known quarterback Tom Brady calls the hot sauce, “delicious with just the right amount of kick”. This comment quickly propels the NFL to reach out and make Biggie Smallz as the official hot sauce of the NFL. Unfortunately, a tainted batch gets shipped to the colts and Jonathan Taylor ends up with food poisoning and never recovers from the incident. Charlie’s fantasy team suffers and the hot sauce loses its’ sparkling reputation.

​

2020:

​

I know what everyone is thinking. Where have the power rankings been?!?! To be honest, I was waiting for my team to make a statement win so I wouldn’t have to put myself so low in the power rankings. I don’t see any wins on the horizon, so fuck it, time for power rankings. Also, to address the other elephant in the room, yes, I was pissed off at a few members of the league last week. Here is the bottom line of the Lamar trade. I made a bad deal (hindsight, Lamar sucked this week, so didn’t matter). But look, the deal was perfectly legal. What, you want me to just veto trades because it was a bad deal?!?! Sam Varon wanted that, and the other person in the deal has had a dartboard with Sam’s face on it for the past 9 years (seek help Bobo). Long story short, DO NOT EVER ACCUSE ME OF CHEATING EVER AGAIN! I WILL END YOU! Time for some power rankings you ungrateful bastards.

 

Tier 1: Redzone (Elite)

 

1. Lebron - Well well well, didn’t expect this one at the start of the year. I believe I categorized Jonny’s team as a “big bag of poop” in the last power rankings. That big bag of poop is now 5-0 and shitting on everyone’s predictions. Well done sir. I’ll be back on the pod soon and Jonny, I think it is time for you to come back on. October 20th at 9pm? Man, I’ve never asked someone out on a date on the power rankings before, but wow does that 5-0 look sexy. How could I resist? Jonny’s the prettiest girl at the bar this year, and boy am I envious.

Biggest Regret: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, FUCK YOU BOBO!

 

2. LEGO - Chris’s team is 4-1, which is about what I expected at the start of the year. What I did not expect is for his team to be 4-1 after losing Christian McCaffrey in week 2. He spent over 30% of his budget on a guy who is out and is still thriving. If it wasn’t for Jonny’s dominance to start the year, Chris would surely be number 1. All that research and success in other leagues might finally be paying off in the most important league in the world (yup, I said it). I very much regret taking you in the divisional draft. That is all.

Biggest Regret: Letting Evan steal Mike Davis (That Snake!)

 

Tier 2: Sportscenter (solid, but can be boring at times)

 

3. Dugg’s Thug’s - A lot of teams could make the case for the number 3 spot, but Themio’s team has 2 rb1’s and a solid wr corps. The one area where he may run into trouble is his lack of depth, so we will see how he deals with bye weeks and potential injuries. I think Themio sneaks into the playoffs but could get hot and make a title run possibly. Now the real question is what’s written down in Themio’s fantasy football diary? 

Biggest Regret: Letting George steal food off his dinner plate for all those years

 

4. beware of maraghost - Another solid team that edges the other teams behind it because of the rb star power in Kamara and Carson. A very solid team that could also make a nice playoff run. Going to be a race to see who wins the division between Jonny and Smallz (Sorry Peter, but zero shot).

Biggest Regret: Team name still being beware of maraghost 

 

5. Here Gos Nothin - Again, very little separating this whole tier. George decided to go absolutely off on my team this week (I dropped sub 100, so it didn’t matter). I think you should’ve saved those points for a matchup that might actually be close. All those drunk bids might’ve paid off. Maybe I’ll break out the Captain Morgan for next draft. Truly inspiring George.

Biggest Regret: Letting Jamie get away (Does that sting?)

 

6. A Team Has No Name - Bobo thought his season was done without Saquon, but it might be salvageable. His team is 4-1 and everyone knows that any team in the playoffs has a chance. I think this roster is going to need some nice pickups or injuries that’ll elevate Bobo’s players for him to have a chance at the title. But hey, let Russ cook!

Biggest Regret: Listening to my UFC bets

 

7. TheDolphinsMakeMeCry - Man, I don’t think anyone has ever had a bigger boner for a player than Luke does for Myles Gaskin. Is he really good? No, not that good, but that doesn’t matter to Luke. Like the name says, the dolphins really do make Luke cry.

Biggest Regret: Wishing he had sex earlier (It’s pretty fun, right?)

 

Tier 3: First Take (Might watch one segment, but garbage other than that)

 

8. Shadillac - Evan finds himself in a tier of his own. Don’t think his team is as good as any of the teams above, but also can’t put him in the next category. He’s managed to stay afloat with a lot of injuries and now that his team is healthy, it looks alright. A lot of goods wrs and bad rbs. Maybe Evan could do the unthinkable…..and…...MAKE A TRADE! Unlikely, but could be a big deal for him. Mike Davis is going back to the waiver wire soon.

 

Tier 4: Max Kellerman (Enough said)

 

9. Chuckwagon - I mean, 9 seems high if you look at my team because it is trash, but, look at the other teams below me. I have Michael Thomas coming back if he can stop punching people and Chubb will be back one day. Do I see a playoff run coming? Hell no, but I would love to ruin someone’s playoff chances by sneaking some wins in. Many regrets, especially spending $500 on two injured players. 

Biggest Regret: Ranking myself 3 in the initial power rankings (False hope)

 

10. The Brucaders - Hey Bruce, tough year too? Yeah, I feel ya. Kenyan Drake forgot how to run the football. Matt Ryan has been garbage. But fear not, you get to play me this week, and I think you’ll probably get the win. Will you make a playoff run? No. I don’t trust your managerial skills and your team has less hope than mine.

Biggest Regret: Joining a league with Fantasy football addicts (Or the best decision of your life)

 

11. JeffTopAsherBottom - Look Pete, you knew this ranking was coming. Just be happy that there is a team worse than yours in this league. You got your 1 win, and that could possibly solidify you not getting last. Sounds crazy, but you never know. The light at the end of the tunnel just got a little further after that Ekeler injury. Buy hey, at least there’s Nick.

Biggest Regret: There are a lot

 

12. IM A STEGOSAURUS 2.0 - People, you need to listen to this. Leonard Fournette got dropped by the Jags. Dak Prescott (Nick’s only hope at a win) snapped his ankle. Davante Adams refuses to be healthy. Swift dropped a pass that hit him in the hands. AJ Green forgot how to play football. This is a severely bad team. It wasn’t great post draft, and then all of this happened. Nick, you better get training for that 6/12/18/24.

Biggest Regret: Saying he could do 18 jerks in one day

​

​

​

​

​

​

Boy is it good to be back. Few things in this world are better than ranking my fellow league mates, and I am not holding back this year. I don't know if it was the alcohol, but some people's teams look fucking awful. I'm happy about it, and I might start providing alcohol at the drafts just so I can watch you idiots drink away your chances at the ship. That's right, I ain't messing around, and with that, let's get into the rankings.

​

Tier 1: Ship Contenders

​

1. LEGO - Well done Chris, you picked a good team. You may have gotten butthurt every time someone bid against you (it's an auction, get used to it), but hey, it turned out alright. I don't know which player of yours is going to tear his acl in practice, but I do know that you'll complain about it. I know what you're thinking right now Chris, "Why is Charlie being so mean? I helped him with the draft results". You did Chris, and I and the rest of the league very much appreciate it, but this is power rankings, and no one is safe. Get ready for Week 1, because I'm coming for you.

Best pick: Robert Woods - $67

Worst pick: Mark Andrews - $68 (Only because of how cheap other TE's went for)

​

2. Shadillac - I see you smiling Evan, and it's well deserved, because I like your team. I don't think Evan got any great deals, but I also don't think he made any bad deals, and he got the guys you wanted. It looks like a team that will make the playoffs and get bounced in the first round. Sorry bud, but I need to see some postseason results before I get all excited about your team. And don't worry, I'll get much meaner as I start talking about the shitty teams. You did good Ev.

Best pick: Le'Veon Bell - $101 (I just got a feeling he's going to be hungry)

Worst pick: Tom Brady - $103 

​

3. Chuckwagon - That's right, I'm putting myself at 3 and there's nothing anyone can do about it. You don't, write your own fucking power rankings. I ain't going to stop you. My team is loaded at the top, and if wee little Hunter Renfrow breaks out this year, watch out. I would like to attribute my draft success this year to my in draft trades. Offline drafts are the best.

Best pick: That's like asking me to choose a favorite child 

Worst pick: Aaron Rodgers - $102 (I'd prefer Joe Burrow for $70 less)

​

4. A Team Has No Name - Nothing pleases me more than putting Bobo low in the power rankings and having him react to it, but I just couldn't do it this year. He had a good draft, very business like approach. He kept to his prices and didn't get emotional with his picks. Proper preparation goes a long way. I'm feeling nice at this present moment, and don't really have anything negative to say about Bobo. Let me think of one. Evan is going to win that division. How does that feel Bobo? Sting a little?

Best pick: Michael Gallup - $41 (Tannehill at $46 is pretty nice too, but a lot of QBs went for cheap)

Worst pick: Will Fuller - $59

​

Tier 2: In the Hunt

​

5. Daddy Tannehill - I have to be very careful with my words here because Luke is now my landlord. So I can't mention that his Aaron Jones pick was bad, because then my rent will go up. So I won't mention it. I also won't mention how his starting quarterbacks are very questionable. I like living in his house and I won't mention that. At the end of the day, if you look at Luke's team, he had an above average draft, thus the number 5 ranking. Will he probably fuck it up with lineup choices? Maybe, but in his division, I think he will be just fine.

Best pick: DJ Moore - $137

Worst Pick: Devin Singletary - $75 (I like him, but a bit pricey)

​

6. JeffTopAsherBottom - Peter, Peter, Peter. My womb mate. My brother from the same mother, or as the kids like to say, my brother. I had a tough time figuring out who I would pick in my 6 slot, aka the last playoff team. I leaned towards Peter because somehow he picks all the guys no one wants and they end up working out. I'll give Pete the benefit of the doubt even though he got in the dumbest bidding war ever with Jonny for wait for it......Devante PArker?!?! I like Devante Parker, but is he really worth $100?!?! Come on Pete, you're better than that....or so I thought.

Best pick: Austin Ekeler - $165

Worst pick: Derrius Guice - $33 (He actually sucks at football)

​

7. beware of maraghost - Smallz, I know you're thinking that I'm being a little low on you. Look, rankings 5-7 were real close, and I liked the deals that you got, but I just think the guys you got are overranked. I'm not that high on Kamara this year, and that's saying something when its coming from me. I have been adament about last year being a fluke, but this draft was solid. I just think you drafted overrated guys. But hey, at least you didn't fuck up like the next two tiers.

Best pick: AJ Brown - $107

Worst pick: Gronk - $38 (This ain't 2014 anymore)

​

Tier 3: Meh, sub par

​

8. Dugg's Thugs - It didn't go horrible Themio, but it could've gone a lot better, that's for sure. Usually it's not great strategy to buy guys and then sell them for way less than what you spent on them, especially if it was only 2 minutes before. That's like buying a new car, driving it out of the lot and then u-turning around and selling it back for 5% less than what you bought it for. Look, if Themio's WRs pan out, I could see a playoff run. But....I don't think that's happening, hence the number 8 ranking.

​

9. Here GOS Nothin - George, I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking that I am only putting you here because I am mad that you showed up 20 minutes late to the draft. Or that I think you're an idiot for getting drunk during the draft (can someone say lightweight). I want to emphasize that this is not the case. Your team is just pretty bad. I always want to emphasize that I am mad at you for being late to the draft, but that did not affect your ranking. Just fucking text me you're going to be late next time. It's not like you signed up for the tournament the day of the draft. You knew about it, but you didn't text me about it. Do that again mister, and you will be severely sorry for it. Mark my words. Also, get ready to get destroyed by me and Chris this year. Glad you're in my division.

Best pick: Adam Thielen - $110

Worst pick: Josh Jacobs - $239 (Yikes)

​

10. The Brucaders - You're no longer a rookie Bruce, and I think many of us predicted a sophomore slump. And, this draft was not great. I feel like after writing what I wrote about George, I should really go in on Bruce, but it just doesn't seem right. Bruce, I hope you do well, but I also hope that the Mariners will make the playoffs each year. Hope can only do so much. Good luck.

Best pick: Raheem Mostert - $56

Worst pick: George Kittle - $145

​

Tier 4: What the fuck happened?

​

11. IM A STEGOSAURUS 2.0 - Hey Nick, still want to make that bet that you don't make the playoffs? I will put $100 on it if you're down. I'm pretty confident, because your team is garbage. I love the fire you're bringing to the league this year, but you could've at least drafted better. I may be wrong about your team. AJ Green might turn back the clock and Leonard Fournette could become a beast, but both seem unlikely. AJ can't stay on the field and Leonard Fournette might be on the worst offense in the league. 

Best pick: Courtland Sutton - $72

Worst pick: Mike Evans - $152 (I know he's your guy, but I'm skeptical)

​

12. Lebron - Jonny, you are no longer my dark horse. If Nick's team is garbage, Jonny's team is a big bag of poop. I hope you aren't waiting for me to say something nice after insulting your team, because I am looking at your team, and I am really trying to find a positive. I really don't know how you started with $1000 and ended up with this team. Maybe it was Jonny's strategy to draft such a bad team that it would force me to put his team last in the rankings just to add another chip on his shoulder. If so, then congratulations, your strategy worked. Your team sucks.

Best pick: Josh Allen - $91

Worst pick: Zach Ertz - $71 (You should've let George keep him)