TEAMS
PETER
Managed by Peter from 2010-Present
Career Record: 72-58-1
Made Playoffs 7 out of 10 years
3 Championships
JeffTopAsherBottom
Owned by Peter
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JeffTopAsherBottom came into the league in 2010. Peter is best known for drafting guys no one wants, and then those guys somehow do really well. In Peter's free time, away from fantasy football, he enjoys civil war reenactments, knitting mittens, and feeding pigeons at the park with pop rocks (you sick bastard).
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When asked about his draft strategy, Peter said, "Cucumbers are just pickles that haven't evolved yet". I think what Peter means by this metaphor is that the cucumber is Pikachu, the pickle is Raichu, and both are great in their own right. A wise wise man you are Peter.
LUKE
Managed by Luke from 2010-Present
Career Record: 53-78
Made Playoffs 4 out of 10 years
1 Finals Appearance
Daddy Tannehill
Owned by Luke
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Daddy Tannehill came into the league in 2010. Luke is a very secretive fantasy football player and never reveals who he is going to draft. He drafts purely based off of statistics and never drafts a guy because "he has a feeling about this guy". It is very hard to read him.
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When interviewed about his plans for the offseason, Luke merely respond with, "North. The penguins are North. Therefore, I will go North". Well, you can't really argue with that logic. Maybe Peter can knit you some mittens before your voyage. Best of luck Luke.
BOBO
Managed by Bobo from 2011-Present
Career Record: 68-49
Made Playoffs 8 out of 9 years
2 Championships
A Team Has No Name
Owned by Bobo
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A Team Has No Name came into the league in 2011. His family has not seen him since. After coming into the league in 2011, Bobo fully immersed himself into all things fantasy football. He listens to podcasts in the shower, does 3 mock drafts a day during the offseason, and constantly dm's players and coaches about the season. In 2013, Bobo was a key suspect in the disappearance of Matthew Berry. No body was ever found. Bobo does not permit anyone to enter his basement.
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When asked about his chances for the upcoming season, Bobo responded with, "The microwave is overheating". Sounds like Bobo is going to be eating burnt Chef Boyardee this year. Things could be worse
CHRIS
Managed by Chris from 2012-Present
Career Record: 47-57
Made Playoffs 2 out of 8 years
1 Finals Appearance
LEGO
Owned by Chris
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LEGO came into the league in 2012. When Chris is not at work, he spends his free time mending the wounds of his injured players. All the massages and bandages in the world can't save Chris's teams from the injury bug. My theory is that players would rather go on IR than play for team LEGO. What's my evidence to back this claim? All of his teams.
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When asked about his strategy for the next draft, Chris said, "Percy Harvin, RG3, and Spencer Ware are mine". Call the medic, because Chris is going to need it.
THEMIO
Managed by Themio from 2010-2013, 2017-Present
Career Record: 48-46
Made Playoffs 3 out of 7 years
2 Finals Appearances
Tbone
Owned by Themio
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Tbone came into the league in 2010, left in 2013, and returned in 2017. Where did he go during this extended absence? A lot of theories are out there: looking for Bigfoot, captured by aliens, or, and most likely, found a secret door in a wardrobe, entered it, found a secret dimension, became king of the world alongside a lion, and killed a witch. Well done Themio.
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In a recent interview with Themio, he stated that, "I miss the sentars. Horse legs are way better than human legs". No arguments here.
EVAN
Managed by Evan from 2012-Present
Career Record: 54-50
Made Playoffs 6 out of 8 years
1 Finals Appearance
Shadillac
Owned by Evan
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Shadillac came into the league in 2012. During Evan's early years, fantasy football took a backseat to his real passion, Club Penguin. As you may know, Club Penguin was discontinued in March of 2017. This sent Evan into a deep spiraling depression that still persists today. During drafts he sits in the back, mainly just drawing igloos, reminiscing on the glory days. It's really a sad tale, comparable to the Baudelaire's misfortunes.
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When asked about his plans for the year, Evan said, "More snowblasters, I need more snowblasters"! Sounds like a cry for help, but I fear that he is already in too deep.
GEORGE
Managed by George from 2010-Present
Career Record: 86-45
Made Playoffs 8 out of 10 years
4 Championships
Here GOS Nothin'
Owned by George
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Here GOS Nothin' came into the league in 2010. George is apart of a local outreach program that Year of the Kicker and Washington State Penitentiary collaborated on together. The rehabilitation has done wonders for George. You might be wondering what George got caught for, but that's not important. What's important is that he is getting better. Still wondering? Okay fine, it was a Ponzi scheme. And a pyramid scheme.
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When asked about his thoughts for the upcoming season, George responded with, "Neutroboom is a good investment. Give me $5000 and I'll make you rich". The outreach program is still a work in progress.
NICK
Managed by Nick from 2012-Present
Career Record: 58-46
Made Playoffs 4 out of 8 years
1 Finals Appearance
MIGO$
Owned by Nick
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MIGO$ came into the league in 2012. He came in as a skinny, pure, very impressionable boy. The league toughened young Nick up and turned him into a man that uses 120 pound dumbbells. That's right, you heard correctly, 120 pounds! Hide your girlfriends, because a fully tatted man has emerged from the league and his name is Nick. Better hope those doors are made of diamond because iron wont be able to hold him.
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When Nick was asked about his chances for the year, he responded with, "If a lion can catch a gazelle then I can most certainly catch a mailman". Not sure exactly what he meant by that, but I know for sure that Nick's mailman better get out of the country. Fast. Real fast.
SMALLZ
Managed by Smallz from 2010-Present
Career Record: 54-77
Made Playoffs 2 out of 10 years
1 Finals Appearance
Beware of Maraghost
Owned by Smallz
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Beware of Maraghost came into the league in 2010. Most people in the league best know Smallz for the wings he brings to the drafts. A lesser known fact about Smallz is that he loves dancing, all types of dance: Tango, ballet, salsa, tap dancing, and of course, the macarena. If you think his wings are good, you should see his dancing. His moves may bring tears to your eyes.
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I was unable to reach Smallz for a comment on the upcoming season. Something tells me that the world salsa championships being held in Gabon may have something to do with it. Dance your heart out buddy.
JONNY
Managed by Jonny from 2012-Present
Career Record: 48-56
Made Playoffs 4 out of 8 years
2 Finals Appearances
Lebron
Owned by Jonny
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Lebron came into the league in 2012. No, we do not have the real Lebron James in the league. We have the Walmart brand of Lebron, and his name is Jonny! Rather than spend his time dunking basketballs and winning NBA championships, instead, Jonny spends his free time capturing squirrels. Yes, you heard that correctly. He goes to parks, puts some peanut butter on a tree and waits. Unsure what he does with the squirrels once they are captured. I declined his recent house barbeque invite.
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When asked about his thoughts on the season, Johnny said, "Evading taxes isn't that hard. You just need a hat, some spray paint, and a little bit of patience". I just wonder what color spray paint he uses. He didn't specify.
BRUCE
Managed by Bruce from 2019-Present
Career Record: 8-5
Made Playoffs 1 out of 1 years
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The Brucaders
Owned by Bruce
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The Brucaders came into the league in 2019. Bruce is the rookie of the league. We have strict initiation rules and we strongly encourage hazing in this league. I can't go into specific details, but it involves a trumpet, some clowns, and a large wooden replica of Morgan Freeman. Let's just say that Bruce will be avoiding any clown marching bands orchestrated by the man who helped batman save Gotham.
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In an interview with Bruce on his thoughts on the league, he said, "If you're going to skim a llama, it's best to wear a striped shirt". I hope plaid is okay, I don't own any striped shirts.
CHARLIE
Commish of league from 2010-Present
Career Record: 61-70
Made Playoffs 6 out of 10 years
1 Championship, 1 Finals Appearance
Chuckwagon
Owned by Charlie
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Chuckwagon created the league in 2010. He is without a doubt the best commissioner fantasy football history has ever seen. When asked by other league members about his leadership, they gush, and give nothing but compliments of the impressive man. "He leads similarly to Fidel Castro". "As honest as Martha Stewart". Communism rocks and Martha Stewart makes a mean burrito. Those were just a few of the many compliments Charlie has received from fellow league members.
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In an exclusive interview with the wise commissioner, Charlie revealed this, "Flowers die, bobbleheads are forever". I'll make sure to follow that advice for next Valentine's day.